2024 has been a bit of a mixed bag build wise. Over the years my skills have improved, which unfortunately means I am now not happy with builds that look alright. I should be, after all I enjoyed the process of building which is the whole point. I used to be very happy with builds that look ok. Probably about 75% of the models displayed on my shelves are of the ok variety, one or two standouts and the rest are right at the back so they can’t be seen. Anyway in March I was in a bit of a slump. I was taking part in #DDAY80GB and having a nightmare. Building 2 Eduard Spitfires alongside each other was proving too much. One I botched somehow, the other disintegrated when applying pressure to get the fuselage halves to mate.

Decided to step away from the group build whilst waiting for a simpler Spitfire kit to arrive (Tamiya’s ancient Vb offering if you are curious). I have a stash of MiniArt and ICM figures for dioramas, none of these boxes are there for specific projects, just there for when they might work. When building vignettes, I used to do the figures last but have decided this approach doesn’t work as the main event has finished and my attention is wandering to projects new. I reached for a box of 1950’s era Soviet tank crew. Definitely going to need those at some point, right? Got them assembled without much fuss over a couple of days, so decided to start preparing a base.

Whilst crew of this period were dressed in black, I took a little licence and painted then in dark grey to create some interest within them. This was going well, I was in the groove, so despite the arrival of that Spitfire I pressed on with the full project. I had Tamiya’s vintage T55-A on the shelf alongside me, perfect for the job. Still going along nicely, I built it in no time. Time to break out a guide to painting Soviet vehicles.

I know there are plenty of superb modellers who post how to guides on YouTube, but I am very much old school. I want something to hand that I can keep refering to. I can never remember what order highlights, washes, chipping, staining and weathering go in. Having an instruction book with pictures is ideal.

Anyway, on I go. At each stage the T-55 is looking better, might have over chipped it as I am prone to do. Couple of dry runs with placement of the crew so that I can tell the tale that I want to convey. Came up with a catchy title……Руперт снова проиграл (Rupert’s Lost Again). If you don’t get it, just ask a lowly ranked serviceman what he thinks of his officer’s map reading skills.

Good to go, I put the players in my story together on the base including a spruce tree. Take outside photos, and post on social media. I am chuffed to bits, this is without doubt my masterpiece. I am proud of what I have achieved, I now belong.

I go out for the evening, and didn’t check on responses until first thing the following morning. Quite a lot of very nice remarks…….then……there it was in a large modellers social group on Facebook…..the horror of what I had done was brought to my attention. The next pic will show it starkly if you hadn’t spotted it yet.

The sprocket drive and the idler wheel are at the wrong ends. How the fuck did I not notice? Pride? Arrogance? The people pointing out my error didn’t hold back…. I was variously a moron, a retard, someone who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a modelling group. I was mortified, my critics were right, the schoolboy error is there and obvious for all to see. I didn’t like the terms used, or indeed the ridicule but I was the one who fucked it up. I noticed the moderators didn’t have a problem, so I left the group after removing the post. I also have to contend that many who made nice comments actually looked at it and thought “he’s made an arse of that”.

So the best build of my life is actually rubbish, and I can’t correct it as I used CA to fix the tracks to the base and to create the sag. The humiliation doesn’t end there. Go back to the Japanese Type1 SPG blog, you will see I made the same bloody mistake. I can’t bear to look at either build now, and the sense of shame hangs over current projects. Nagging away with self-doubt. Am I actually capable of building a model that is better than ok?

I have waited a few months before writing about this. In that time I have had to park another build because 2 sets of decals were buggered. I did complete that #DDAY80GB Spitfire, but I know deep down that I abandoned a more difficult version. However in an attempt to get back to a happy model place, I have completed my annual MiG-15, though I await possible correction as I have 2 conflicting sources as to the precise alignment of the colour scheme.

I will get there, the sense of failure and shame will dissipate, but at the moment I am second guessing everything that I do. Running a GB may make me kinder to myself. At the very least I hope that writing this will prove to be cathartic.